It's been a while since I have blogged. Not for a lack of things to write about. More of the WAY to write about things.
I'm not in a good place. I'm in a place that is lonely. And sad. And frustrating. And I'm just plain over it.
There are many changes that have brought me to this place. Some of those changes include friends moving, round 2 of the boot of shame, flare ups with the unicorns, and kindergarten friends that are giving me a run for my money.
November has been an especially trying month. I have had 10 doctor's appointments. 10 co-pays. 5 antibiotics. One anaphylaxis scare. And one very gnarly stomach virus.
A stomach virus that hit hard. My concern with a stomach virus is that I won't be able to keep my regular medications down. I don't want to experience not having my many antihistamines. They keep my angioedema in check (for the most part). One stomach virus sent me to the ER because I couldn't take my daily medications and I don't want to repeat that. Thankfully I was able to take the majority of my pills and keep them down. But when I'm "sick" (on top of being "sick" all the time) I feel twice as bad. As I was in the throws of stomach virus misery, I was in tears. I couldn't do it. I couldn't feel worse than I normally do. I didn't have it in me. My mom was asking me if we needed to go to the ER. I'd had enough. "I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this," was all I could say. I took an extra anxiety pill in hopes that it would help me calm down enough to sleep. Thankfully it did. After a weekend of purple Powerade and a sick day on Monday, I thought I was on the mend. Nope. Food didn't go well. Back to purple Powerade and Coke Zero. I relapsed with the virus a week after it began. Rice and bread were my new best friends. I recovered just in time to enjoy Thanksgiving food.
My doctors know me very well. Their office staff know me by name. My regular doctor retired over the summer, and my new doctor is getting to know me quickly. It's easy to go to my regular doctor and my immunologist. I don't have to explain every little thing. They know my medications. They know my history. They don't get wide eyes when I say Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria Angioedema and Multiple Chemical Sensitivity.
Now I'm getting to the meaning behind the title of this post. I was referred to a foot and ankle specialist for my ankle. The ankle that I fell and hurt in August of 2015 (insert sigh here). Round one of the boot of shame lasted 6 weeks with 2 months of physical therapy. Fast forward to March of 2016 and the pain had returned. An MRI revealed that I had fractured my heel bone. Round 2 of the boot of shame began. And continues today. Eight months later.
I went for my foot specialist appointment yesterday. And in true form, I had developed an infection in my big toe. The big toe that lives in the boot. The toe infection was one of the reasons for the 5 antibiotics this month (stupid ear infection was the other).
The foot specialist visit turned into a 3 hour ordeal. Not because of a busy waiting room or a busy doctor. Because of me. And the unicorns.
I learned that structurally, my ankle is good. My mobility is fair (which is good considering I haven't been able to walk much in the past year. The doctor told me he was going to be like Dr. House (that was a good TV show) and test some theories to see if that relieved my pain. He suggested a steroid injection in my ankle and the partial removal of my toenail on my big toe.
Then the problems began. I am allergic to most external analgesics (topical pain relievers). And I never know what I will react to. They decided they were going to just inject the steroid in my ankle. But, I recently had a reaction to the type of steroid that they were going to inject. That was a no go. I was frustrated. The doctor and nurses were frustrated. My mom was frustrated, too. It looked like I was not going to have either procedure. As the doctor walked out of the room to talk to the nurses, I overheard him say, "this is complicated."
Complicated is an understatement. Remembering what meds I take at what time during the day is no problem for me now. At the beginning of this journey, I had a chart that explained when to take what. I can rattle their names and dosages in my sleep now. But I don't know which steroids are similar to the ones I took for 8 months or similar to the ones that I react to. I don't know how I will react to ANYTHING. That makes it hard to deal with new medical issues.
After some phone calls to my other doctors and some "testing" of the lidocaine. They decided to inject my ankle with the same numbing medicine that my dermatologist used when I had some bad moles removed. They also decided that the could safely remove part of my toenail. Many shots (ouch!) and some hives later, I walked out (in the boot of shame)
without part of my toenail.
I found out that it was an ingrown toenail. Ewww and ouch at the same time! Those things HURT!! And of course I'm allergic to NSAIDs (Ibuprofen), so those pain meds were not an option. Trial and error. But in my case, error could result in needing my Epi-pens. I did learn that I only have a slight reaction to Tylenol with Codeine. I also learned that Tylenol with Codeine is a necessity when they take off part of your toenail.
After an exhausting morning at the doctor, I went home and napped with Houdini. He senses when I don't feel good and he has been doing a good job keeping an eye on me which means sleeping near my injured foot.
This past month has had its challenges. Nothing is easy. Nothing is simple. I'm hoping December is a little easier!
I'm not in a good place. I'm in a place that is lonely. And sad. And frustrating. And I'm just plain over it.
There are many changes that have brought me to this place. Some of those changes include friends moving, round 2 of the boot of shame, flare ups with the unicorns, and kindergarten friends that are giving me a run for my money.
November has been an especially trying month. I have had 10 doctor's appointments. 10 co-pays. 5 antibiotics. One anaphylaxis scare. And one very gnarly stomach virus.
A stomach virus that hit hard. My concern with a stomach virus is that I won't be able to keep my regular medications down. I don't want to experience not having my many antihistamines. They keep my angioedema in check (for the most part). One stomach virus sent me to the ER because I couldn't take my daily medications and I don't want to repeat that. Thankfully I was able to take the majority of my pills and keep them down. But when I'm "sick" (on top of being "sick" all the time) I feel twice as bad. As I was in the throws of stomach virus misery, I was in tears. I couldn't do it. I couldn't feel worse than I normally do. I didn't have it in me. My mom was asking me if we needed to go to the ER. I'd had enough. "I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this," was all I could say. I took an extra anxiety pill in hopes that it would help me calm down enough to sleep. Thankfully it did. After a weekend of purple Powerade and a sick day on Monday, I thought I was on the mend. Nope. Food didn't go well. Back to purple Powerade and Coke Zero. I relapsed with the virus a week after it began. Rice and bread were my new best friends. I recovered just in time to enjoy Thanksgiving food.
My doctors know me very well. Their office staff know me by name. My regular doctor retired over the summer, and my new doctor is getting to know me quickly. It's easy to go to my regular doctor and my immunologist. I don't have to explain every little thing. They know my medications. They know my history. They don't get wide eyes when I say Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria Angioedema and Multiple Chemical Sensitivity.
Now I'm getting to the meaning behind the title of this post. I was referred to a foot and ankle specialist for my ankle. The ankle that I fell and hurt in August of 2015 (insert sigh here). Round one of the boot of shame lasted 6 weeks with 2 months of physical therapy. Fast forward to March of 2016 and the pain had returned. An MRI revealed that I had fractured my heel bone. Round 2 of the boot of shame began. And continues today. Eight months later.
I went for my foot specialist appointment yesterday. And in true form, I had developed an infection in my big toe. The big toe that lives in the boot. The toe infection was one of the reasons for the 5 antibiotics this month (stupid ear infection was the other).
The foot specialist visit turned into a 3 hour ordeal. Not because of a busy waiting room or a busy doctor. Because of me. And the unicorns.
I learned that structurally, my ankle is good. My mobility is fair (which is good considering I haven't been able to walk much in the past year. The doctor told me he was going to be like Dr. House (that was a good TV show) and test some theories to see if that relieved my pain. He suggested a steroid injection in my ankle and the partial removal of my toenail on my big toe.
Then the problems began. I am allergic to most external analgesics (topical pain relievers). And I never know what I will react to. They decided they were going to just inject the steroid in my ankle. But, I recently had a reaction to the type of steroid that they were going to inject. That was a no go. I was frustrated. The doctor and nurses were frustrated. My mom was frustrated, too. It looked like I was not going to have either procedure. As the doctor walked out of the room to talk to the nurses, I overheard him say, "this is complicated."
Complicated is an understatement. Remembering what meds I take at what time during the day is no problem for me now. At the beginning of this journey, I had a chart that explained when to take what. I can rattle their names and dosages in my sleep now. But I don't know which steroids are similar to the ones I took for 8 months or similar to the ones that I react to. I don't know how I will react to ANYTHING. That makes it hard to deal with new medical issues.After some phone calls to my other doctors and some "testing" of the lidocaine. They decided to inject my ankle with the same numbing medicine that my dermatologist used when I had some bad moles removed. They also decided that the could safely remove part of my toenail. Many shots (ouch!) and some hives later, I walked out (in the boot of shame)
without part of my toenail.
I found out that it was an ingrown toenail. Ewww and ouch at the same time! Those things HURT!! And of course I'm allergic to NSAIDs (Ibuprofen), so those pain meds were not an option. Trial and error. But in my case, error could result in needing my Epi-pens. I did learn that I only have a slight reaction to Tylenol with Codeine. I also learned that Tylenol with Codeine is a necessity when they take off part of your toenail.
After an exhausting morning at the doctor, I went home and napped with Houdini. He senses when I don't feel good and he has been doing a good job keeping an eye on me which means sleeping near my injured foot.
This past month has had its challenges. Nothing is easy. Nothing is simple. I'm hoping December is a little easier!
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