Part Two: Discouraged

It's been a while since I've written a blog post. I was really hoping that Part Two would be called, "Finding My Way". But...I haven't found the way. 

The way back to my life 15 months ago when I had never heard of Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria Angioedema. Or at least some semblance of that life would be nice. 

I've been all around discouraged. Just when I think I'm managing my symptoms well, something new pops up. Swollen toes, swollen arms, and swollen soles of my feet. Swollen, miserable, and ready for a change. 

I am super thankful for my mom who responds to messages like this from me and tries anything to make me feel better. 

I get even more discouraged when I can't find anything that will allow me I sleep in my bed without paralyzing pain. Air mattresses, memory foam toppers, down comforters, lumbar supports, and multiple pillows cannot seem to solve my back problems. The couch finally stopped working for me the other morning at 3am. I woke up and couldn't move. I managed to put my comforter on the floor and roll off the couch onto it. My theory was that at least the couch was closer to the floor than my bed is.  

Don't even get me started on the dislocated ribs! They've really been hurting since sleeping on the couch. I even got them popped back in place last week. And yet they still hurt. 

I'm tired. Physically and emotionally. I'm over it. I know that there are things that are positive in my life. My family, Houdini, my friends, my kindergarten babies, and some health improvements just to name a few. I've got to be able to focus on those things and have a fighting attitude. The unicorns will NOT win. 

The battle is a big one. A battle against my weight gain. Against the symptoms of the unicorns and all the meds I'm on. Against the desire to stay in the bed because it hurts to move. I need to win the battle. 

In a world where instant gratification reigns, waiting to see results isn't ideal. I've lost 5 pounds in a week, to only gain back more than that in one day due to swelling. I'm in for a long, hard fight. It's already been a VERY LONG 15 months. 

The unicorns are stubborn. That's been proven in my lack of response to medications and treatment plans. Now (most likely due to my Xolair injections) my hives are almost non-existent. Yay! 

But, my swelling is out of control. Most mornings I wake up with my "Angelina Jolie" lips and swollen eyes. My body is having odd swells as well. Which frustrate the snot out of me. I finally caved and bought a new jacket because my "big" jacket wasn't anywhere close to zipping. The jacket was a necessity because here in Georgia, we skipped Fall and went directly to cold, frigid weather.

All this said, I need to be better about blogging. It's a nice way to vent and a way to give people a glimpse into my life.