Lost. And I'm not talking about how my UGA Bulldogs lost yesterday to the Gators. That's a whole other story! I have lost a lot in the past 15 months. From small things like not being able to eat peanut butter, to big things like confidence and friendships.
My chronic illness is a thief. It steals from me. And those around me. I've lost independence, security, time, energy, and much more. I've got to find my way again.
I wish I could rewind and go back to that day in August 2013. I want to be that Katie again. I've lost her. Some people tell me that I'm still the same person. But that's hard to believe. I feel so different. And so far away from that Katie.
I'm trying to be as "normal" as I can be with my new normal. But that comes with consequences. Like throat swelling, pain, and exhaustion. I've been sleeping on the couch for a few weeks. I tried to go back to my own bed Friday night. Big mistake. At 1:00am, I woke up to excruciating, paralyzing pain. It took me one hour just to wiggle my way out of the bed and onto the floor. I was not able to stand when I got out of the bed. I crawled, yes crawled, to the living room. Within ten or so minutes, I could sit on the couch and wait for the pain to subside.
I've got to figure out how to use my chronic illness "for good" (Wicked reference there for all my musical-loving friends)! I need to find a way for God to get glory from my experience.
A friend texted me earlier this week saying she read her devotional for the day and thought of me. This is part of what she sent from John Piper's book, Desiring God.
We all need God's grace. I cannot make it through this without grace. Grace. Grace will help me find my way through this season of life.
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