Jumping Hurdles

This week has been my most "normal"

week in 15 months. Not because I've felt any better, but because I've been diligent in trying to not let the Unicorns control my life. 

I babysat Tuesday night. Had a Halloween costume sewing party with friends on Wednesday. Worked on costumes again on Thursday night. Whew. Friday hit me hard. I wrote about part of my busy week in Writer's Workshop. 

Although exhausting, it was nice to have a semi normal week. Normal, if you count moving into the living room because the couch doesn't make me have excruciating, paralyzing back pain. It's nice to be able to get up and out of "bed" without any help! I've been so busy that I missed watching my fave tv shows on their normal nights and I had to watch them all yesterday! It was a good thing my Bulldogs had an open week, so I could catch up with my DVR. I did have to watch some other SEC teams play in order to get my college football fix in! 

I've been avoiding Facebook this week. When I'm not doing too well emotionally, I read too much into people's posts, comments, or stories. I recognized this bad habit early in the week and just kept up with friends lives via Twitter and Instagram. 

Today was the biggest hurdle of the week. I went back to church. Nothing against my church family - they're awesome people! But church has been one of the hardest places to get back to. At school, everyone knows about the unicorns and I don't feel stressed there (other than normal work stress). I avoid places with strangers or people that don't know about what I'm dealing with. I told myself (and my friends L & A) that I was going to go to church. I've come up with a million reasons not to go over the past few months. 

Today, I had to just suck it up and go. It was hard. Harder than I thought. Rushing around trying to find a shirt that fit and could wear to church led to a look in my closet. I avoid (are you getting the avoidance pattern) my closet. It is full of clothes that I cannot wear. Pants, shirts, dresses, and jackets. All things that remind me of my life before the unicorns. It made me mad that none of those clothes fit. It made me mad that I don't feel comfortable in my clothes now. (Not a cozy kind of comfortable, a self-confidence kind of comfortable.) 

I finally made it out the door at 10:05 - church starts at 10:15. I purposefully went later than I normally would to avoid talking to people. As I sat there, I could feel my face starting to hurt. Not a good sign. The stress swelling was beginning. I tried to pay attention and focus on worship, but the swelling kept coming. It wasn't bad enough for other people to notice. I just looked a bit puffier. But I felt miserable. However, I am glad I went and conquered that hurdle today. I have to keep going and keep living life because it doesn't look like the unicorns will be leaving any time soon. 

Once the stress swelling starts, there isn't much that I can do to help it. It's not hivey, so benadryl won't help. I just have to wait it out. It also stressed me out having a problem with a prescription that I'd run out of. The bottle said I had a refill and the pharmacy said I didn't. (Insert more stress swelling here.) Thankfully that all got worked out and I got my medicine. 

I'm going to babysit tonight so maybe the swelling will subside if my mind gets distracted by other stuff. And I'm gearing up for a busy week at school. It's Red Ribbon Week and Halloween. Things could get crazy up in here, as my kids would say.