There's a Nightmare in My Closet

I was reminded of the book There's a Nightmare in My Closet this morning as I was getting ready for church. The book is written by Mercer Mayer and is one of my favorites! My kids always like it too!

The nightmares in the story are monsters. The nightmares in my closet are clothes. 

As I have written before, I wear big tshirts

and loose workout pants due to the large amount of swelling that I encounter daily. I have one cardigan that fits. So it, by default, is what I wear to church. I looked through the closet this morning hoping to find something else to wear. 

Nope. Nothing. Just a closet full of clothes that I cannot wear. Pants that are 4's, 6's, and 8's. Cute shirts that are x-small, small, and medium. And not a one of them fits. They are not even close to the size I'm currently wearing. They are a daily reminder of the weight I've gained and of the life that the Unicorns have stolen from me. 

Even following Weight Watchers points vigilantly, weight loss is not happening for me right now. That makes me mad. Mad because I worked so hard to lose the weight before and now it's back. It angers me that I have to face the battle of losing all this weight all over again. And this battle will be fought while my body fights against me. 

While I'm on the subject of weight gain, I will explain a little more of my thoughts. I am ashamed. Ashamed of the weight gain. I am disappointed. Disappointed in my lack of self control while my world spiraled downward. I avoid people. At Kroger or Walmart, I will go out of my way to not see people that I know. I really want a cloak of invisibility like the one Harry Potter had because then I could go about my life and be invisible. I am sad. Sad that I feel this way. Sad that I cannot wear clothes that fit me last year. Sad that it has almost been a year of dealing with this crap. I just want it to go away! Like the little boy in the book wants his nightmares to go away too!