I don't mean for my blog to be sad, depressing, or a "downer" for people. I am trying to be real. Real and honest. I'm using it as a place to vent but also as a glimpse into the world of someone with a chronic illness. I had no idea what that world was like until I joined it 10 months ago. Some things that I found on Pinterest do a pretty good job of explaining what I am feeling.
My chronic illness is very isolating. I am not able to do many things. Foods are not my friend, being outside is a bad idea, and I'm not the most cheerful person right now. All this adds up to not being asked to do things (who wants to ask the person who always can't go), not being physically able to do things, and feeling like a huge burden to friends and family. I know most of my family and friends would say that I'm not a burden. But it's hard for them too. It's tiring for them to constantly ask how I am doing, when I know they don't really want to know or can't really understand.
It's hard. Hard to be sick. Hard to be a burden. Hard to miss out on things. Hard to try and live a "normal" life. I pray that I receive relief from all this crap soon and can try to rejoin the real world.
I am beyond grateful for all of the people in my life who try and help me make the best of this illness. I do appreciate you! And your kindness often brings a smile on a day when there isn't much to smile about.
I am sorry if anyone is offended by my words today. They were not written flippantly. They were written through tears.
You know they say writing your feelings down is good for the soul. I do believe it. I know how you are feeling. In 1998, I came down withGuillain Barre Syndrome. We had never heard of this very rare illness prior to the diagnosis. I went through many different physical issues, including at one time total paralysis and in a body brace to hold me up. This rare illness was attacking my immune and nervous system. However, through prayer and eventually a positive attitude, I worked my way back to almost 100%. I still have some side effects that will be with me forever, along with lifelong meds that I have to take. You are a strong young lady(you get that from your mom)! So keep writing, your true friends will always be there, and if you ever feel like venting.. I am a good listener!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing! And I'm glad to know that some people understand! :)
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