The Depression is Deep

I've had a rough few weeks. My swelling has been increasing along with my hives. I've had to go back to taking my afternoon meds everyday. Benadryl has also become my best friend again. When I feel this bad physically, my emotions are affected too. And life has been über stressful lately, which doesn't help. 

It's tough to start the morning with swollen eyes and lips. And the overall feeling of blah. But I get up and get going anyway. I have to. One foot in front of the other (now that they are both working). 

When I get home from school, meetings, or doctor appointments, I usually just stay in the bed. Then my mind wanders or I watch too many tv shows that warp my sense of reality. I begin to think of all the things that I wish I had or could do. Then I become more depressed. And it's hard to get out of that vicious cycle. I'm not the type of person who tries to hide my issues. I'm on an antidepressant and anti-anxiety meds thanks to my Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria Angioedema. But I may need more help than that right now. You know things are bad when you google your antidepressant to see if you're taking the highest dose available. (I am.) 

Bedtime is the worst. I've cried myself to sleep more in the past few weeks than I have in the past year. I've been listening to music while I fall asleep in order to try not to get too upset. This is my current "sleep" playlist. 

Those are some of the songs that are getting me through life right now. I want things to change. I just can't do it. I have some doctor appointments this week, maybe they'll result in some extra help. I'd really appreciate your prayers right now.