Where is the Rewind Button?

Rewind. 

Definition - to wind back to or toward the beginning; reverse.

I want to rewind. I'd give almost anything to rewind my life to 17 months ago. I would like to find the thing that triggered all this autoimmune crap and never be exposed to it. 

Never heard of Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria Angioedema. Never felt the way I feel. 

I'd  rewind to the time when I only saw a doctor 4-5 times a year, not countless times and countless doctors. 

I'd rewind to the mornings when I didn't try on five different shirts to see which one fit that day. I'd rewind to a time when I never worried about my shoes fitting because my feet swell. 

I'd rewind to when I ran (imagine the air quotes - not much form or speed). I ran a 5k a few months before I got sick. Now, I'd be lucky to run if something was chasing me. 

I'd rewind to the happier me. The me who went to church. The me who went out with friends. The me who had fun. 

I'd rewind to a time when I didn't carry epipens and benadryl everywhere I go. To a time when I was bff's with all of the Kroger pharmacists. 

There is so much that I would like to disappear from my memory or life. But I know that no such rewind button exists. But it sure would make life a lot easier.